The Toddler

So I got side tracked...

2007-02-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

I have neglected to update this page for a couple of days. I have been doing some research into free ways to drive traffic to your site. I have discovered a few thanks to a certain "supermom". Now on these links I will be using my affiliate links, since this will have no impact on your campaign and I do not profit directly from it.

The first program is Traffic Swarm. This site is free and gives you credits = to one advertisement of your link. You can earn credit several ways, but the main and easiest way is to search other sites in the network which are listed out for you. You can use your Traffic Swarm "start page" as a search engine and find a lot of different and useful info. Go ahead and sign up and get everyone you know to as well. I will warn there is a charge if you want to purchase credits, but I am all about the free thing.

The second is Instant Buzz. It is a free program, but it does require the installation of a "ad bar" which is loaded in the tool bar section of your browser. There is no spyware associated with this "ad bar". You literally earn credits every time a new ad is displayed. You are under no obligation to click these ads!! They will try to sell the occasional upgraded membership. New ads are displayed every time you open your browser, open a new website, etc. Basically you get free ads for surfing. Instant Buzz is a little more aggressive. They put you through a start up process, which does not take long to finish. It is part inspiring and part "use everyone of our services". Again, I like the free thing, so I have not signed up for any of their "upgrades".

Enjoy

Resources

2007-01-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

I have been promising to post a list of resources that will assist you to make money online for free. I am not a newbie to the idea of making money online, I've tried a lot of things. I just don't have all the talent it requires to flourish in the massive metaverse. The list I am going to provide you with are companies in which I know will pay and do not charge you anything. I am not putting any referral links since I think that would be baiting you and that is not fair. Here we go

Amazon.com: Affiliates Program, Advantage Program and finally the Honor System Program. I believe all programs describe themselves clearly enough that I do not need to bore you with the details. What I like specifically about Amazon.com, is that I can freely discuss a book I'm reading or just read and add a text link to that specific item. If the reader is interested enough in my post, there is a good chance they will buy the book.

AdSense: Contextual Advertising as it is know through the marketing community. AdSense placed well on your site can potentially be a great earner. It is vitally important, as with all marketing agreements, that you read the rules. Check that you code fits you site by change the colors. The positioning of the ad is vital. I believe hidden in the Google Webmasters area there is so graphic representations of how effective the placement of your AdSense code can be.

PPP/PTR/PTP: Now I have heard these terms thrown around for a few years. In most cases you end up on a site which is not very popular writing articles that end up drawing minimal traffic to your site. The actual money made on these sites for posting is usually pennies. To define each, PPP = Pay Per Post, PTR = Paid to Read, PTP = Paid to Post. Basically PPP and PTP sites are synonymous. However PTR sites are an animal unto themselves.

I will not even give examples of PTR sites since I do not like them. Personally I feel these sites take advantage of your eagerness to earn online income, pay very little (if at all) and are basically traffic generators for the sites they are sending you to. The PTR sites usually give you an email account and you respond to the emails you get, follow the instructions and get paid. Too good to be true, I think so and unfortunately know so. I accept the fact that I will be spammed with a few "legitimate" PTR sites, but I'm not buying it.

PPP is a whole nother story. I am buying this and thinking up ways to work it into my blogs. The #1 site I recommend is PAYPERPOST.COM. I really feel that this ia viable solution to both advertisers and bloggers who want to earn. The pay outs for some jobs are as much as $10 per post. There is a review period on almost all of the jobs available, but you get paid via Paypal, which I love for security purposes and you actually get your money promptly. I have a feeling this site will be taking off soon, not taken off, but bought out by one of the major players like Yahoo or Google. If they do, good for them. They have a great concept and if you think about the possibilities you could really earn by joining them.

Survey Sites: I am yet to find a decent survey site out there. My wife has tried some and we had to finally change our phone number because we were getting up 5 surveys a day calling, but no $$$. Good concept, but I have not found any good players. I have also seen these survey site offer you trips, Ipods, PS3, etc. It is a bait and hook scheme. They tell you the prize is free, which it is if they have any in inventory, a common problem. What they do is lure you in by offering some free services, emailings, etc. They remind you that you are on step 1 of 4 at the top of the screen. In between steps they may take informal survey or demographic info on you. Step 2 is usually filled with some free magazine subscriptions and things like that which will self renew after the free subscription period. They remind you that you are not obligated to take any of these offers to earn your prize. Then maybe some more survey stuff. Step3 the offers are getting a bit more pricey and they may ask you to pick one offer, like BMG records (remember 2000 albums for a penny and then a new one sent every month until you finally get yourself out of this mess, then you find out that you were some how obligated to buy "x" amount of music before you can cancel.). Step 4 is where they get you, now they tell you that you must complete 3 offers from this page to get your "free prize". The items are usually membership accounts with a 15 or 30 day trial period for only $1.95. You are not penalized for canceling during the trial period, but half the time it is next to impossible to do so. It seems they always get you for $50 some how or other. As you can see by my ranting, I don't like these sites. I suppose that if you were very disciplined and organized you could keep up with these memberships and get out before the big amounts hit. If you are, then you are better than me and fund with your new PS3, if they have any in stock in the next 3 yrs.

I will post some more later. I think I need to have a beer.

So, I started another blog

2007-01-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

I started a new blog based off of my previous post about a blogging commune. Please check it out, subscribe, social bookmark, myblog it, spicypage it or whatever else you can think of. The more people we get involved the stronger the community will be.

Remember this is a concept and I do not have all the answers, so we need some people willing to join that knows how to drive targeted traffic, build subscribers, create great niche ideas, etc. Any earnings you make will be solely your own from your referral links/products.

I have a vision, but have not worked out the kinks

2007-01-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

Try not to be negative about this concept, if you are not interested, simply move on.

I have made some comments on Spicypage. (By the way if you are not a member, then become one. It is great place to network and I believe it is still in it's infancy as far growth goes.)

I am trying to gather together a bunch of like minded individuals who want to earn a living online. The goal would be to create a "virtual commune". As in the traditional commune there would be several members who establish homes (blogs). Each person would bring their own expertise into the group. We would have a builder (designer), a farmer (content guru), an eco-friendly electrical expert (traffic specialist) and everyone else would be hands on deck. Anyone without a specific blog specialty could do what ever task needed completion and learn at the same time, knowing that eventually we will all win out in the end.

If need be this would have to be legally established as a partnership, etc., but I do not want anyone to feel to weighed down by this. I would rather get a group together to pick apart Social Bookmarking, Networking Communities and any other ways of building free targeted traffic and maximize the earning potential of our blogs, but still be reader/subscriber friendly.

Let me say this up front, if anyone is really listening, I do not want to participate in any kind of scheme to out wit the programmers of these bookmarking and networking sites. Nor would I want to "google bomb" any of the sear engines. I just feel that a one man shop is harder to run than one who has a team.

We would have to rotate each other's money makers to avoid any one person being an all star and the others waiting on the sidelines. That would mean that I would be posting your affiliate code on my site, knowing that mine is posted on others within the group.

I do think each of our sites would need to be set up similar enough so that one doesn't have banners every where and the other is pretty clean.

I do think we should bring in PPP (payperpost.com) into our earning model. I think thy are on to something. Also using the traditional Adsense/text link advertising.

So consider this a "call to arms" for anyone who is interested. I am going to open up comments on this post so I can get some feed back.

Try not to be negative, if you are not interested, simply move on.

The truth about making money online for free pt.3

2007-01-26T16:15:00.000-08:00

So I am back from a semi-relaxing fishing trip. Let's just say that my anti corporate attitude has increased over the last few days. Being disabled is one big jumble of paper work and it appears the people who handle this paperwork do not communicate or know the laws very well.

I have been really been trying to put some effort into this series and I keep coming back to one thing. Traffic!!

The only way that you will earn an honest living online is through the traffic your site/blog generates. I firmly believe, and have said it before, organic ways of build search engine traffic is still the best. I like the term "organic", not sure who coined it, but it is a good term. "Organically" grown vegetables/meats/dairy are better for us because they do not have any unnatural toxins in them. "Organically" grown traffic is best for your blog/site because, most likely the person who found you was looking for you. There are plenty of sites devoted to directing "targeted" traffic to your site, but expect to pay $$$ and who knows if this traffic really was looking for what you serve up.

I know this might be a bit of a It is absolutely free to add your site to most, if not all major search engines. It is common these days for you to create a profile with these search engines. I know this to be true with Google, Yahoo and MSN. All allow you to create a personal profile, claim a homepage and add favorite Pages/Feeds. Oddly enough Google indexed my site faster than the rest. I am still trying to get indexed by MSN, however it was told to me that MSN should be the fastest. Keep in mind these engines are constantly changing their algorithms and procedures, so make sure you abide by their most current rules. You should also submit you site to the DMOZ. (note the DMOZ was not accepting new submissions for a while. As of this writing I believe they are back to normal.)

The next step I believe you need to follow will be joining as many of the "Social Bookmarking" sites as you can. There are also some blog/community sites which you should join. Basically all of these sites are easy networking sites. Even if you join some of the networking sites geared towards other webmasters, remember everyone is a potential customer/subscriber. Be very careful how you "Tag"(tag = keyword) your site when joining the different networking sites. You want to make sure that the site is well represented and related to your tags. Also, find yourself an avatar or pic of yourself. I think people are more likely to click your posts if they see who you are or can tell something about your personality from your avatar. I almost always ignore those without avatars, unless their content is brilliant.

I have decided to follow this post with a resources post. I will link all sites that I use.

Now getting to the main purpose for this series. Making money online for free. First let me start off by saying that you should never, ever, never, never, ever have to invest any money into any affiliate/associate system. You should not be required to sign up for any "offers"(offers = hidden ways to get you to buy things before becoming a member or winning a prizes).

You have most likely heard of affiliate/associate programs. Amazon is one that is well known. The basic idea of affiliate/associate links is to get your readers to say "oh yeah, I need to buy that book." etc. If you can generate a lot of traffic, then you can really do well for yourself. There are so many affiliate/associate programs out there that it is hard to make sense of it all. My theory is stick with what you know. If you use the site/store, product, service or can relate in any way to the site, then get a referral link/I.D. for that site.

Survey sites are another way of earning money. It is hard to find a good paying site, that is not filled with hidden "offers". I will be posting the trust worthy ones that I have found, in my resources post. Remember that most of these sites will pay "pennies" for the each survey. You want to find the highest paying and most interesting survey sites out there. These sites will not make you rich!! They can provide a good P/T income stream.

Secret Shopper sites are those that have been paid to have you evaluate there store/site, service, product, etc. There is a set of rules you must follow for each of these tasks. Some may require you to visit a local store, browse the internet or use a service. There will be a form you fill out that will need to be faxed/sent to the company along with a copy of any receipts for charges you incurred during the shop. Now you say, "charges", you said this would be free. I can tell you form my experience most of the shops you are sent on do not require actual purchases, but if they do it will be limited to a small amount of money which is reimbursed along with your payment. So you are getting whatever you bought for free. The other good thing about these secret shopper sites is that you get to choose what assignment you do. I have been paid $15 to go to McDonalds and eat lunch. I had to order a specific meal. The hardest part was getting a receipt, and by the way that was a strike against the cashier. I needed lunch and to get paid $15 to do it was not that bad.

My absolute favorite way of making money online for free is Amazon Mechanical Turk. This is a division of Amazon the online retailer. You can be paid in either Amazon gift certificates or transfer money into your bank account. One draw back to this site is that it does not use Paypal, which I feel makes people a lot more comfortable. I have spent about an hour with this site and been able to complete over 30 tasks. Basically companies need humans to complete certain tasks that computers are incapable of performing. I would like to see in the future a referral program so that you can share in the wealth of the people you refer, but as of this writing I have not seen anything.

As I have said before, you will not become a millionaire with these items, unless you build a tremendous amount of traffic. You will have fun and earn some extra income along the way. In the resources post that will follow, I will list all the legit sites that I have discovered. Try to build that traffic and set goals for the sites which require a human touch. You need to set daily goals of how many tasks you can take on.

This project has given me an idea to start a full disclosure and case study blog. This blog will chronicle the ability to earn and generate traffic for free.

Gone Fishing!!

2007-01-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

In order to de-stress, my wife, the kids and I are joining relatives at their lake house. I spent part of yesterday making dough bait out of anything I could find in the pantry/fridge that was stale or expired. Hopefully we will come back with some catfish or crappie. It will be nice to get out of the house, be in nature and away from the TRAFFIC!! PT.3 of my truth series will be posted when I return. Perhaps after a post about my fishing trip.

Enjoy your week.

The truth about making money online for free pt.2

2007-01-21T20:35:00.000-08:00

You know the old saying "Nothing in life is free". Well I am about to show you how you can join websites for free and they will pay you to perform tasks. Some of these tasks are extremely quick and simple, but can not be performed by a computer. Some of these sites will initiate discussions relevant to their "paying" advertisers almost like focus groups. Both of the examples I just gave you have some big time clients and are not simply you or I asking if they like our new e-book or blog.

There are also sites out there that will offer you "Free (insert HOT product here)" and/or $$$ for signing up for free. The catch with these type of sites is that they have you complete surveys and after spending your precious time answering these questions "for free", they hit you with an "offer" page. This is where you find out you need to spend money to get the previously advertised "Free (insert HOT product here)". I have seen these sites popping up for sometime now. At first I believe most were scams, but there are now some very legit sites that will send you the $$$ or the "Free (insert HOT product here)" for accepting such "offers" as a Netflix account or signing up for USA Today. There are most definitely people out there that would this a win-win situation. Technically you are getting your "Free (insert HOT product here)" for a discounted price and an additional product yo may have wanted. PLEASE DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON THESE SITES BEFORE BECOMING A MEMBER!! I will be leaving these types of site off of my resource list.

***I Digress/Rant***
I know this section is short, but I am having a hard time right now. I am out on disability, my cobra medical insurance is about to kick in and will be $1067/month, my 2yr old and 4yr old have RSV ($200 for breathing treatments), my wife just had a baby/c-section 3 weeks ago and we are seriously considering moving into a 5th wheel trailer that can be kept on my sister-in-law's acreage as well as getting rid of my car. All this, while my wife and I wish we could open up a small business, but that has been on hold because we never have the time to complete a business plan to get funding. We have been offered to buy the property next to my sister-in-law for $150k, actual value is $180, but we can not qualify for the mortgage since I am on disability and my credit is too low. Forgive me for unloading, but I think that what blogs are for to begin with. Sometimes it helps to write it all out. I have even stooped so low to add a "Donation" button to my site in hopes that some trillionaire stops by and decides to assist. Whatever happens I will still have the Internet since I have a wireless laptop. Yikes, I just read this and figured I should delete it, but then said someone out there may be in the same position as me and can relate. Then again there may always be that trillionaire. Thanks for listening regardless.
End of Digression/Rant

I do promise to get a list of resources together in pt.3 and be a little more on topic. To quote Ron Burgundy "Milk was a really bad choice".

The truth about making money online for free pt.1

2007-01-19T13:27:00.000-08:00

We have all heard of the scams on the web, promising to make you plenty of $$$ with little effort and for free. Most of these "systems" are based on you getting links to your site so that you rank higher in the search engines, specifically Google.

My post or rather "rant" about this inspired me to start searching out what is really going on out there. I asked the question, "Can one actually make money online for free?".

What I have discovered from a few sites that seem to have honest people on them, is that you can make money online for free. I can assure you that you can not make instant riches overnight or become a millionaire within a year. However you may be able to supplement your current income with a few hundred dollars per month.

***For give me while I digress***
It is true that most of these sites promoting "marketing systems" that are guaranteed to work "or your money back" or better yet my favorite "pay $1 for a 14 day trial", are simply selling you information that is available for free if you do the research. A lot of these "systems" are out dated because the search engines continue to change their algorithms.

I don't want to bad-mouth any particular information product or website, because I am too much of a novice to have the moxy to do that. I simply want to point out my observations. I will not link to examples of these "systems" or sites. I will only so links to the sites I know to be completely free and resourceful.
***Back to the topic***

I am planning on making this a 3 part series, so that I do not babble too much in one sitting. If I don't split it up, there will be a lot of digression. I tend to write the way I talk and unfortunately I truly suffer from ADHD so I go off topic frequently.

Some optimization tips you can use to help your blog in the 3 major, Google, Yahoo & MSN:

1. You have to become familiar with the terminology. Quite a big list, but then again blogging has been around a while.

2. You need to find your "niche" or topic of your blog. Some people like me are all over the place with their posts. Most bloggers settle on a niche in which they are passionate about, a hobby, a career or any other topic they feel strongly about.

3. Now you have to decide what your main keywords will be so that you can optimize your site for the search engines. I am a firm believer that "organic" listings in search engines and directories are still the best in my opinion.

4. Once you have your keywords or better yet your keyword phrases, you need to utilize them wisely, but unnaturally. For example you wouldn't to over use the keyword or phrase. Say the keyword "dirt". It would unnatural to write a post Titled "Dirt" and go on to say "There are many kinds of dirt. The dirt you find in your backyard. The dirt found in the gutter. The dirt found in fields. I love dirt and want dirt to become more friendly to humans. Dirt is good for the Earth and dirt is here to stay. etc." You get the idea

5. You do want to use your keyword phrase in the title of your blog,title of your posts and any derivative keywords through out your post in a natural and appropriate way. Try to incorporate your keyword phrase at least once more in your post.

6. I prefer keyword phrases, basically a sentence including several keywords. Now these phrases may be searched less regularly, but that is not really a bad thing. Consider having several blogs about different topics you love. If you build a blog around the keyword "dirt", which at the time of this writing according to Overture was searched yesterday 17,965 times. A Google search at the time of this writing yields 78.9 million websites. The is a little lopsided. Now try "dirt bikes graphic kit". The results are much different. The term at the time of this writing was searched 893 according to Overture yesterday. A Google search at the time of this writing yields 4620 websites. Your odds of getting to the top of the search engines are much greater with the longer phrases that have lower searches and less competition.

7. After optimizing your new blog, you will need to submit them to the search engines. I recommend that you sign up for a Google personal page, a My Yahoo account and a My MSN account. READ THE SUBMISSION GUIDELINES FOR EVERY SEARCH ENGINE!! Submit your site per their instructions. It is also a good idea to link to your blog on your personal pages.

8. Create an email account with the search engines using your blog name and include your blog url in your signature.

Once you have traffic trickling in:

You can start to write posts that will contain links to your referral ids for some of the free money making online programs.

The programs I will discuss in pt.2 will allow you to join for free, pay you to do tasks online, cost you nothing but your time and allow you refer people/friends/family to do the same so you get a portion of what they earn as well.

I promise none of this will be B.S. There will be no hidden costs and you will not be joining any type of network marketing/mlm thing.

Until next time, I remain The Toddler.

Orville Redenbacher

2007-01-18T19:06:00.000-08:00

OK...Maybe it's just me, but I recall Orville Redenbacher dying about 10yrs ago. In fact here is the article from the NY Times.

So it is completely beyond me why the family of the deceased would allow ConAgra Foods to recreate his person in their new TV Commercials.

I find it morbid and strange to see this impersonator or digitally enhanced actor walking around selling popcorn.

Where does corporate influence, greed and bottom line stop???

Driving traffic to your blog

2007-01-17T22:32:00.000-08:00

I'm just an ordinary guy, right. I'm writing about my daughters and my daily goings on. What I can not figure out is how to get people to come, visit, laugh, Digg me, Technorati me or add me to 1000000 Links. I really am starting to think that the only true way to drive traffic to your site is to use pay-per-click advertising or use whatever the new "google bomb" type scam is. I'm down with neither. Really I just want to write about the funny things that happen in my family and help make others know they are not alone.

I wish I understood this social bookmarking thing better. Someone needs to write a Social Bookmarking 101 tutorial. It seems everywhere I go I run into the same old game "links to your site are #1" or "quality content is #1" or better yet the sites assume you already have traffic and want to monetize on it.

I believe that a site will be profitable if enough people come to it and like your posts, which is another way to say "quality content is #1".

I think my real problem is that this appears to be some sort of sick and distorted catch 22.

So I think I am going to transform this blog into vent session for my inner thoughts surrounding my family, the world, life, religion, corporate America and anything else I can possibly whine about at the end of the day.

This will not only help my anxiety and stress levels, but may provide for a good voyage for any readers I pick up along the way.

Expect me to be a bit edgier with my comments. Although my posts about my daughters will remain to be about their shenanigans. I think I need to bring a little of myself into this blog thingy.

I am The Toddler.

How to deal with temper tantrum

2007-01-15T18:32:00.000-08:00

How to deal with temper tantrums?

I have absolutely no idea!! Bonnie Monte from babycenter.com wrote an article regarding this. I really recommend that you parents out there sign up for their community. You will see "Community" at the top of the site. This area is full of articles from experts and forums on specific topics that I am sure you can relate too. You can search for age specific behaviors and how to deal with them. It's free, so don't worry about any hidden costs.

She mentions that "setting limits", "don't lose your cool", "put yourself in their shoes". I have actually tried most of these techniques with some good results. I feel the article is worth a read. You never know what you might learn.

I do have to add that today was a very good day in our household. Mommy, newborn and 2yr old all took a nap and the 4yr old and I played with her new Lite Bright (a bit more advanced than it used to be). Not too many problems. Not even one tantrum that I can think of. Although what some may consider tantrums, I may consider a small crying fit.

I hope you find the article useful.

I think my toddler is winning pt. 2

2007-01-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

My 4yr old has decided that her new bedtime is sometime between midnight and 2am. I have tried the reverse psychology trick where I tell her to stay up all night. Two movies later, The Polar Express and Barnyard, she was still wide awake.

We have discontinued her naps, figuring that she has grown out of them. She is begging to sleep with Mommy and Daddy because she is "scared". When asked what she is "scared" of, she looks around the room, thinks for a second and then pulls some random thing out of her mind. We know she is not "scared" of anything specific, but I am concerned that she is having bad dreams.

The one obvious cause of her erratic behavior is the birth of our new baby. Many of you know the tension in the household when a newborn comes home and the siblings have to adjust. It is not going to be an easy couple of weeks, but with love and family we will get through it.

Most of my logs are going to revolve around our current issues with my 2yr old and 4yr old adjusting to our new baby. Today I am not in an incredibly silly or sarcastic mood, but I will try to bring some decent humor filled tales soon.

Harry Potter

2007-01-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

Normally I try to keep on topic, but this has caught my eye Dragon Lady's Harry Potter meme. Any of you bloggers out there might want to jump on in and have some fun.

Harry Potter is one of the biggest sensations to hit the adolescent world in a long time. I have to admit that I am a huge fan of all the books and wished the Harry Potter series would never come to an end. I eagerly am awaiting the next Harry Potter movie. Of course I can not wait for book 7, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Have fun and I will continue with part 2 of I think my Toddler is winning.

I think my toddler is winning

2007-01-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

It's late and I am over it all!!! I know we have all been there before, but sometimes you just have to rant a bit to get it off your chest.

As you may know already, we just had a wonderful baby girl. Healthy as can be and already wrapped around my finger. Those "baby blues", which will inevitably turn brown, have got me in a trance. Enough about our new edition...I digress.

My oldest, the 4 yr old, has jumped back in time. If I could reverse engineer the process she has used to become 2 yrs old again I think I could make some serious money!! She has started to wet herself for no reason what so ever. Thank God she still tells me when she needs to go #2. This child was completely potty trained, waking everyday with absolutely no accidents and waiting until she was ready to go to her bathroom. A complete princess about the procedure. We had even entered into a stage in which I, Daddy, had to give her privacy while she did her business.

We have gone back in time people and Daddy wasn't ready for it. More on this later...

My Toddler's Little Leaps

2007-01-09T17:06:00.000-08:00

So we have anew edition in the house. Another wonderful baby girl. We have been so busy with the newborn that most of my toddler's plans to destroy the house have gone unnoticed.

Now please do not take this post as a product endorsement or sales pitch. It is not. I am simply relaying my experience with the products mentioned below.

Today I decided to break out my 2 yr old's "Santa" gift, a Little Leaps video system from Leap Frog. Now normally I am all for Leap Frog products. I see their method of hiding education within cartoon like characters, creating games based around these characters and now moving into the home entertainment/video game field. None of this is bad or bad for your child.

I do feel that this product was not thoroughly thought out. Rather than go with a stand alone console, such as V-Tech, Leap Frog went with what seemed to be a more user friendly format.

The Little Leaps use your existing DVD player. The interactive console/controller is set up like a universal remote control. I can understand the ease in which some one could hook this up. There is a DVD disc that comes with the product that instructs you through the quick set up process.

Prob;em, none of the DVD players in my house, my sister-in-law or my sister's house work with this product. Needless to say I was quite disappointed with this.

Luckily "Santa" cam through this year and got my oldest a V-tech Smile. All though it is more advanced for the younger one, it still has big enough buttons and handles for the 2yr to have fun. In fact the 2yr old has played it more than the 4yr old. She has actually picked up on the starter games and is building hand to eye skills.

As with all products you buy for your children, I recommend that you do thorough research prior to purchase. Toys are becoming more and more expensive these days as well as using some advanced technologies. Personally I want to know everything my toddlers playing with and what it is capable off.

The Chocolate Toddler

2007-01-01T09:39:00.000-08:00

Well the holidays are over and it is a new year. My bold little toddler is getting that much closer to becoming 18. Her sister is that much closer to becoming a toddler, although I guess she is technically already a toddler by age.

My wife is in the hospital with our latest addition. All is well with them. I have a life filled with Mom and three beautiful girls to look forward to. I'm out numbered and have already booked myself on a five year expedition thru the tundra. I will be surviving on melted snow and blubber. I expect to come back much thinner.

I have been lucky enough to have my two toddlers rotating thru their various aunts during my wife's hospitalization. Some how they always get returned to me about 10ish in the morning. I know this magical hour very well. It is when they are no longer interested in their "toon", their bellies are full from breakfast and they would like to start playing toys or make believe or emulate whatever the story line was on the last "toon" they watched.

Normally this begins by the older toddler leading the younger one around in search of objects they need for said playtime. She will find a shoe here and a play broom there and then dig up an old glow necklace (that doesn't glow anymore). This process continues for about fifteen minutes. It is duplicated by the younger toddler with various other items they have stashed around their play room and our living room.

After they procured enough paraphernalia for their big event they usually disappear into their playroom to start the party.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but my Christmas decorations are still up. Our Christmas tree is set up in the living room with an additional tree in one of the front rooms of our house, so you can see it from the outside. I told you I was out numbered!! My wife has decided to block access to the front part of the house with dog gates, so they will leave the public viewing tree alone. What she doesn't understand about this, and I have told her on several occasions, is that this gives the toddlers free roam of the front of the house. If we need to catch them in the act, so to speak, we have to go thru these gates. Now for all intense and purposes, the front of the house, and the rest of the house for that matter, is toddler proof. All outlets are plugged up, cabinets have locks, the front door is dead bolted out of their reach, etc. However...

After Christmas we needed a place to store some gifts we received. The tree's public viewing room just so happens to double as pseudo-dining room/pantry. Our kitchen is very small, I mean very very small. The natural place for us to store these gifts was in the public viewing room.

Every year my wife asks for some crazy cooking/entertaining gadget that I never knew existed. And every year somebody buys it for her. Last year's gift was a waffle maker. Although I love waffles, I can not see the point of owning a waffle maker. My mother not only bought her a waffle maker, but spent $70 on this waffle maker. How much use does said waffle maker get, you ask? None, because it is still in New Jersey at my mother's house. "It's to heavy to pack, I've talked to your mother and she is going to ship it." A year later and no $70 delicious homemade waffles in my belly.

This year's gadget was a chocolate fondue fountain. You can see how useful a tool this would be. Whenever you want anything dipped in yummy delicious chocolate, you have this never ending, cascading flow of the luscious treat. Are you @$%&*!# kidding me? Guess who got the chocolate fountain for Christmas and better yet, guess who bought it for her? If you said your wife got the fountain and your mother bought it for her, then you win a $70 waffle maker, shipping not included.

Back to the toddlers. I realize it has gotten pretty quiet in their playroom. Do you see it coming? Apparently the night before my wife was schedule for her c-section, she decided she wanted to have a delicious, never ending flow of a luscious chocolate treat. For some reason, only known to the hormones racing thru her pregnant veins, my wife decided to test the chocolate fondue fountain on the floor of the pseudo-dining/pantry room, also known as the tree's public viewing room.

Now she didn't leave it on. That's a good thing, but she didn't unplug the devilish device.

I call out to the girls. "Girls, what are you doing?" They reply as if pre-planned, in unison. "Nothing". I now know that there is something big going on. I go to dog gate number 1 and peer into the playroom. Nothing in there. This is bad, I was sure I was going to find one of them covered in paint and the other one doing the painting or something to that effect.

I turned my head to the right and called out again. "Girls what are you doing and where are you?" This time before their perfectly timed "Nothing" I catch a glimpse of the 2 yr old and then here the giggle. This worse then I could have imagined. A look for Daddy followed by a giggle and then a timed "Nothing" means something is going down on Sunset Dr. I'm talking big time, might involve phone calls to various municipal offices.

I walk cautiously, as if I am scared there is an intruder in the house, thru the kitchen. I know that I am not ready for whatever lies beyond dog gate number 2. Another giggle and then the 2yr old's hands grasp dog gate number 2. All I can see is that her hands are smeared with a brown substance. "Really, really bad." I say to my self and then the excited rambunctious 2yr old said. "We're right here daddy. We're right over here" At this point I am pretty sure they have reverted back to their primal instincts and flung poo at each other. I am slightly relieved to find them both crouched around the aforementioned chocolate fondue fountain. They are sticking their hands in the flow of luscious and delicious treat. The older one looks like that scene out of "Predator" when Arnold covers his body in mud to hide his heat signature. She looks like a wild child as she sits their a giggles at me. The white of her eyes and teeth revealing she is in fact human. Head to toe chocolate. The 2yr old has used the delicious treat as makeup on her face, at least that's what she told me it was.

A long shower later my two girls were back to their beautiful selves, smelling of lavender with a slight hint of chocolate. Not knowing the mental strain their father was under. Not caring how their mother was doing in the hospital. Just wanting to know they can play chocolate fountain again...

Artistic Toddler

2006-12-26T18:11:00.000-08:00

So, I have been busy with the holiday and lots of relatives. No recent posts, sorry about that. Well my Toddler has been incredibly busy. I will start off with my favorite of the recent antics.

Artistic toddler-

We needed to get the brakes fixed on minivan. Another story which insights anger in me. How does a 2005 minivan have brake problems? Any how, our oldest toddler is in the back seat of our sedan, specifically behind my wife who is driving. I am driving the minivan since I am concerned about the brake problems.

Since my wife could not actually see the toddler, out beautiful little girl was taking advantage of the fact.

She is what some people call a "touch" learner. She likes to touch things to see what they feel like or what they do. Her little toddler mind is so amazingly fast, that it is hard to figure out. She has an incredible imagination.

My wife was playing X-mas songs and they were singing along to them (more like out of tune humming). Suddenly she noticed that the oldest toddler was no longer singing, but could not really see what was going on behind her. Sure she could have adjusted the rear view mirror, but it was rainy and would be dangerous.

When my wife stopped at a light she turned to look and saw my gorgeously, cute, adorable, beautiful, sweet and innocent little girl drawing on the ceiling and door panels of the car.

This has happened before in a smaller capacity. Crayon was used last time and it was confined to the booster seat and not the car itself. Not this time. Oh no. This time my wonderful toddler was using a reddish/orange marker.

Where did this young lady find this instrument of destruction? If you know, my wife and I would like to be told. We do not own any markers of this type or brand. We have no idea how it got into our car. We have no idea how our toddler managed to get it in her hand. We have no idea how to get this damn stuff off the fabric.

Luckily we have a wonderful detail shop down the street who told us it would not be a major expense to remove. That kept me from actually my toddler to my sisters house and asking if she would adopt her.

Back to the how this happened in the first place. Answer me this, how does a 3yr old toddler get their hands on a marker, smuggle it into your car and then find the right circumstances in which to draw modern art all over you ceiling and door panels?

I love my daughters with all of my being and would never do anything to endanger them, hurt them or damage them in any way. That being said, I had no idea how to react to this situation. I was completely dumbstruck. I kept trying to say something, but all that came out was "why would you do that?"

Her answer, "I am not sure Daddy, but it was my pleasure."

Artistic Toddler

Toddler

2006-12-18T10:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks for coming to The Toddler, your daily chronicles of what my toddler has done today. Hopefully, this will give some relief to those of you out there who feel there toddler has taken over their life. I will post shortly today's story.